guess I win”.  The patient instantly broke down sobbing.  He begged me for forgiveness all the way to the psychiatric assessment unit at the hospital.  Now when this particular patient begins to act up, they threaten to send “the Witch.”  He calms right down and takes his medications.

       I once called a woman who had left a message on my voice mail at work in the summer of 2001.  When this woman answered the phone, my ear was assaulted by loud classical music.  The volume was deafening.

       “Hello?”

       “I can’t hear you for the music, Ma’am, can you turn it down?”

       “What?”

       “I said I can’t hear you, Ma’am, please turn the music down.”

       “Just a minute, I can’t hear you.  Let me turn the music down.”

       After this woman turned down the volume, I quickly discovered that the reason that she had turned the music up in the first place: She’d done it in order to drown out the voices that she was hearing in her head.  The poor woman was quite paranoid.  This woman thought that the man upstairs was sending thought energy through the walls and into her brain.  This was the specific reason that this woman had called me: She had heard that I was a Witch.  She wanted me to do magic to make it stop.  I took a slightly more practical approach.  I sent my associates in the mental health team over to assess her instead.

       A suspect charged with sexually assaulting his daughter once tried to make an allegation of Witchcraft against the victim’s mother.  He reported to the Sexual Offence Squad detective that was handling the case that his ex was involved in Witchcraft.  This SOS detective asked me to do him a favor and check this out, since if I didn’t know what Witchcraft looked like, no one did.  I met with the scruffy suspect, who related the following.  When he was 19 he’d run into a Tarot reader who had predicted that he’d travel to Europe.  Shortly after this he took a trip to Portugal.  Months later another Tarot reader predicted that he’d marry a blonde.  A short time later he met his ex and commenced a long relationship.  The suspect then said that he’d found a book in the library with the title “How to Recognize Hereditary Witches.”  He told me that the book asserted that people with names like Darlene, Debbie and Diana were all hereditary Witches.  As his ex had a name like this he drew the conclusion that she must be “a hereditary Witch” from Estonia. He then claimed that he’d seen his ex wife go into a trance in a nearby park.  He claimed that while she was in this trance one of her eyes had gone milk white and that her mouth had filled with blood.  He claimed that on another occasion a mysterious white arm had materialized beside his ex where she sat sniffing glue.  He claimed that this arm had grabbed him and thrown him to the ground.  

And They Think I’m Crazy, pg 2

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